Trying to be Nice

Trying to be nice is a form of wisdom and actually an extremely difficult task. We know that everyone has weaknesses and everyone has their limits. If you appeared to be the stronger one, you ought to endure and tolerate.

First of all, what is the definition of trying to be nice?


The negative level
When one want to do something practically for himself, one says it is for the sake of others.
This is what we call excuse. In this case, one usually convince others to follow his decision and he claims it as for benefits of others. He often tries to be the leader and he definitely have this characteristic: Become angry when people anyhow do not to follow his way.

The datum level
When people do not need it, one offers it as he thought they need it.
This is what we call extra. Never can we claim we helped because he never needs. It is also said that help is an expression of wanting from others where in this case, there is no wanting occur.

The starter level
When people needs it and asks for it, one offers it.
This is what we call offering. This is the most basic from of trying to be nice.

The growing level
When people needs it but never asks for it, you choose when to give and not to give.
This is what we call learning. We ought to understand the reasons why people do not ask for it. Some people want to handle it themselves, whereas some people are shy to request. If you are in this level, you won't be insisting in offering because you respected him as he is able to handle his own problem. You want him to grow. Besides, insisting is not true manners.

The mature level
When one is being taken advantage of, one kept silent.
This is what we call peace loving. He is willing to endure as just to prevent argument.

The guide level
When one notice wrong doing, he tries to step in.
This is what we call concern. Often we see people doing mistaken but seldom we dare to rebuke them for good. People in this level will try their best to correct the mistakes with or without wisdom. He may raises his voice but never will he gets angry upon people not following his ways but to put on further efforts. People in this level always being loved by the society and he dislikes injustice.

World of knowledge

There is someone who categorized people into four types:

1)He does not has knowledge however he does not know that he does not has knowledge
This is a stupid person, we must actually stay away from him

2)He does not has knowledge however he knows that he does not has knowledge
This person is not clever, we must educate him

3)He has knowledge however he does not knows that he has knowledge
This person has already slept, we must awake him

4)He has knowledge and he knows that he has knowledge
This person is intelligent, we must learn from him

And he says "A true smart person knows how to exchange short period of time for eternity; exchange something which is worthless for something valuable." Confucius says "Whomever that believe himself having the greatest knowledge is the one who is actually limited by knowledge."

Control The Inner self

There is a generally saying that 'Guys are more logically whereas Girls are more emotional'. This is true but certainly, it doesn't applies on each individual. Once, there is a girl who told me this 'We women are anything comparable to man, but the only threat that could devour us is relationship, we become fragile'

If we are keen to understand, we could simply observe the differences between guys and girls. First of all, guys are more capable of handling stress. It is because all guys are self-worth, whom will never admit their weaknesses easily. That is why, they have unconsciously trained to be handling their own businesses. Even if they couldn't, they are not going to express it easily. On the other side, girls need companions. They could share almost everything among themselves and thus they could rely on each other. Girls topics are always hearts to hearts whereas for guys, facts to facts.

Hence we can notice that, guys tend to forget things and bother less. They ain't going deep into someone's thought like what girls usually do. That is why, some would say girls are more considerate than guys. However, being considerate is sometimes said bothersome among guys. Which then we see, guys are more playful than girls as well as happier.

After all said, there is in fact no wrong between both genders since they are being natural. Somehow, they could be drown by their own imperfection.
Towards girls: When your feelings hunt you "Focus on facts, not the feelings"
Towards guys: When you try to understand someone "Focus on feelings, not facts"
Controlling the inner self is not as easy as boiling water. Nevertheless, it is a way for everyone to take another step in our lives which we try to learn from each other.

Take it

One of my friends told me that this world is unfair. In fact, it is. Some people are born rich while the another born poor. We can hardly change the destiny that was designed yet we should be able to adept. And soon, we will find that this ability is a blessing.

Life is rocky thus interesting. If everything goes well, it would be boring. Isn't it? Sometimes, we would have abalone for snack, sometimes noodles for dinner. Think optimistically, and our lives would definitely be merrier =)

Measure ourselves

I often stress that no human is perfect although those who with conscious are trying to be as good as they are able to. In fact, there is no specific method to judge a person whether he is good or bad since good persons has their bad sides, and bad persons has their good sides. It seems that silver line exists between good and evil appears.
As for me, there are certain ways to determine whether we are good enough to be considered good. In this realistic world, we admit that many people tend to be closer to those can benefits themselves only. Well, I'm not saying that this kind of people are bad but on the other way round, these people will determine your value of existence. We know what value we can offer to others and thus at time when we offers nothing, will people still come to us? Here is the point. If others would had come to us because of benefits, we are not someone they treasured as if they could simply find another alternate. However when we can offers them nothing and still they can consider us 'Good Friend', we are indeed being a good friend they trusted. Hence the first question is, how many good friends do we have? And how many 'good friend' tags have been placed upon us?

In a family, are a good child? Nephew of niece? We can examine ourselves by simply listening to what others commented. In a family, are we the best child that our parents have ever had? As for relatives, are we the best nephew or niece that our uncles and aunts have? These are the some of the way that help us to decide where we are.

As mentioned above, no one is perfect and people will be criticized by those who find him not easy with. Thus, never expect everyone to like us but we can know where we are when people can proudly shout out "You are my best!". Not "the best" but "MY BEST".

Human Needs Help

When one minds to comment, everything is complain-able.
In my life, many people shared me their stories. Those which are secrets and those which are personals. Perhaps they just want an ear to listen what they express by leaving the problems flee themselves. Somehow, this is not what I do. I want to help by not just listening. They could told me their stories without expecting anything, but I'll help to solve their problems which in fact I did a lot. If I'm the one who they seek, I want make their choice correct... In the end... Who helped me? I now have problems.

But a wise man once told me 'count your blessing, and you'll be contented'.

Never explain yourself

Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.
- Belgicia Howell

The quote above carries a significant meaning. If your friend is true, they remain believing you no matter what others said, trusting who you are. Or else, they will be easily affected by words of others when they are not your true friends. Meanwhile, an enemy will never believe what you're trying to explain because they had already misjudge you.

True friends can see the hurt in your eyes when everyone else is fooled by your smile.

Normal friend vs Best friend
Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs.
Best friend: calls your parents by their first names.

Friend: has never seen you cry
Best friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on

Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home

Friend: asks you to write down your number.
Best friend: they ask you for their number
(cuz they can't remember it!)

Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff

Friend: only knows a few things about you
Best friend: could write a biography on your life story

Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Best friend: will always go with you

Its really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it's really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.
- Raphnie

Think and think

People used to ask me, 'Why must you always talk about the past? Let it be past, shall we?' and a few of them became frustrated then. I always think about the past where I used to cherish them. Everyone must have done some nice deeds in the past, that's why we must always recall. Hence if they've done something bad to the present us, we can somehow calm down a little. Isn't it?

Of course, recalling the past doesn't bring only good things. It makes us consider the worthiness to stay comprehended. You see, we can list good things about one but we can also list bad things about one in at least 3 times more. This is human. But what makes different is, we can appreciate them if we still believe them good.

Calm Down

Every relationship could triggers a fire when it reaches a certain age. It is then we determine our value being together. Thus we say, it is the test.

In this test, both individuals have to calm down and think, for anger will only causes more mistakes. They have to turn humble and this action is actually love, sacrificing our pride, ready to admit our wrong. Aren't these little respect worth the relationship? In fact, this test requires wisdom and faith. It will not work if only one of them is doing the humble part. They will kiss goodbye for sure. On the opposite, the bond will definitely be stronger if they do.

"Those who are with wisdom are able to control his temper".

Be nice to Others and that would be you

Have you ever face situations whereby someone had made you angry but the offender feels irritated instead of you? Under this circumstance, they'd offended you and you're actually tolerating yet they are unsatisfied with your turn of phrase. At the end of the day, you became the one approaching them with apologies, knowing that you're not the one wrong.

Undeniably, some people are unaware of others feeling upon their actions taken. Hence, being considerate is always being the one taken for granted for we understand the reason behind their actions but never did they understand us. This is what we think.

However, we should be grateful if we can see ourselves being the one thoughtful. May it be us the one being taken for granted but we gain favor in the eyes of many. The one who offended us may eventually continue offend others and they would deserve their treats one day. Hence, never feel sorry for ourselves being good because we are in fact receiving goods in return =)

Say Sorry

Is the word "Sorry" so hard to utter? Why can't it be practiced properly? We understand that saying 'sorry' is not an excuse to escape responsibility. If it is said that in public when it is only needed individually, it would be pointless. Third party may think that he is being brave and sorry but the one being offended can hardly feel his sincerity because he is doing it out of wanting attention.

Likewise, saying 'sorry' and typing 'sorry' provide different outcomes since it possess different level of courage. We feel the difference when we hear 'sorry' than see 'sorry'.

We know that, for someone who never used to say 'sorry' can scarcely pronounce 'sorry'. Yet 'sorry' out of sincerity is indeed a powerful word.

Faith 信

The term 'social butterfly' is referring to those who can mix well in any community. We say he or she is sociable and friends are definitely limitless. Indeed, social butterflies can never give up the ghost since they can easily adept into situations and people used to trust them.

What is their keys for gaining such network?

The word '信'

In Chinese character, 信 means faith. It is the combination of 人(people) and 言(converse). If we do notice, these butterflies speak a lot and are often addressed as talkative. Nonetheless, they speak but the truth and every times out of their hearts. Lies are guilty and never smart. In friendship, they make bonds, trusting friends thus receiving trust in return. This is how it works.

Therefore, if we wants to widen our network, we ought to be truthful and know to approach.

On the other hand, it is true that social butterflies can approach us first but never they will dwell if we are not true towards them. Social butterflies do not settle on flowers that are not blossomed.

Choose Wisely

In every era that we are living, we ought to make correct decisions which at the end affect our future. This specially applies for friendship. Good friends lead us a secured life whereas for bad friends, although they may bring us the current happiness but permanent pain.

Like what the old mans say, a friend would care about how you feel when an action is taken. Will you be hurt? Will you be happy?

In my history, there is a moment which made me really stood up for my friend bravely. That time, we 'friends' were taking alcoholic drinks. One of them became unconscious whereas the rest came up with an idea fooling with him. I knew this kind of play was wrong and I was wanting to stop them. Fortunately, the play did not run as they planned which I then relieved. I never think of telling the 'victim' about it neither. Who knows this might in turn affecting their friendship?

So what do friends mean? Protection. You protect me, I protect you. Isn't it?

Perhaps when we know our friends are protecting us, we trust them wholly. We believe in them. Personally, I have a friend who is treating me this way. He tends to protect me not knowing whether I'm the one wrong. Hence, it maybe true that our opinion are different many times, but I never hesitate to address him as friend loudly. He is certainly not a person who can always do things the right way, but I never doubt his doings for I fully trust him to do good.

People who declare themselves friendless, not necessary do not have friends. It is a matter that they do not treasure friends nor trust them. Sometimes in our life, we do not question friends but simply accepting their thoughts. We trust their decision because we know there are reasons behind it. Some friends are hot temper, some are mild. No matter who they are, they all know how to walk themselves. We are not someone to chain them around. Isn't it?

Thus, everyone have friends =)

Deeper

I read an article saying that, love is not sharing the same rainshade but to face the rainfall together. It touches many individuals because selfish love exists. In our love-ship, some people want to be treated where receiving is more than giving, whereas some want to be equal. Somehow, both serve the similarity where 'self' is very important. That is why people say "Love yourself before you can love the others."

However, where is the extend of love when we say "Love ourselves"?

I still remember the time when I first watched 'Titanic'. It moved my heart deeply and bust my tear because I see that "Love is sacrifice, giving out the best and ready to face all consequences". In times of loses or risks, you'll think best only for your love one and not for yourself. Liken to the love of a mother towards her child. That is why people name it "The greatest love is motherly love."

I believe this great love remain existing in society nowaday although life's reality often proves it extincts since everyone think for themselves first. People seldom think of reasons why people do somethings their way before judging them.

Remember...

In this world that we both live in, we are not the only one suffering from what we named it as 'pain'. Everyone have own background difficulties and bad memories. Everyone have their reason for every action they take.

Will it be frozen?

It was understood that blogging is a way to express one's thoughts and opinions. May it be news or satisfaction towards life. However due to its publication, third party often interferes with their level of wisdom. Therefore, conflict may arises.

Disagreement results debate. Lacking of trust results argument.

In fact, most people think they can understand others entirely, thus judging us through random sources. Especially when they feel unsecured, they unintentionally sabotage the whole relationship. Then the witty part is, they will claim that we are the one who sabotaged them at the end of the day which actually all things started due to their lacking of trust.

It is true when someone says 'we can't trust a person wholly'. However, it is also true when we say trusting friends is absolute. We are spiritually babe if we cannot differentiate when to trust or not.

'A picture speaks a thousand words' because different individual interprets differently, based on their knowledge and wisdom. Same goes to a post by inspiration. Those who feel being condemned are those who feel guilty reading it.

If a post is to condemn, isn't it naming the opponent more effective?

All in all, it should be known that apology is not necessarily done only when we are wrong but it made a fullstop to an unfortunate event. Thus never think we are right when someone is willing apologize to us =) May it the chance for others to witness our beauty or our ugliness...

Life

Not many people realize that time passes for each action that we take. That is when we get excited, angry, depressed or disappointed. Future is every second ahead of us. And we know that, there is a minute we ought to decide as if we are able to get hold of ourselves.

Every moment that passed, drawn a history. It will be our novel of life without ourselves realizing it would one day be completed. We have to write our stories, we have to write our characters. That is why, we learn to understand and learn to comprehend, making our novels the best seller of all time.

There is a saying, knowledge is through studies, success is through experiences. Indeed, true knowledge is gained by understanding each novels surrounding us, hence true success is by understanding each experience that we'd gained through them.

In my life, I met some who claim that I'm being arrogant for illustrating my thoughts my way. However, it is always a fact that those who think they are smart, never get smart. For those who know much never claim themselves knowing a lot.

"The more I see, the less I know, yet more I want to see..."

Being praised is not what I really hope for, but being teased is definitely not what I want. If I couldn't help to reveal the true meaning of arrogant, how the future would become? I wonder... Shall the strongest mountain be shaken?

Life is a gift from God. Every morning is a mercy from above. Time is governing us but our routes are us to choose. Knowledge shows us the truth, wisdom shows us the path. Grow in sight and we will see certainty.

Pain

Pain is not something viewable. This is why we can hide it but never we ignore it. In fact, is there necessary for us to hide? It would greatly depends on how we express it. Different keys open different door, different expression given gain different feedback.

We often suggest that one can view things in two sides, either they are good or bad. However we hardly predict what others would practice in their mind. Will our expressions find care in them, or irritate them =)

Sometimes we hide it, enduring and waiting for the moment we found suitable time to say it. Is this a good method? Do we understand our own limit? It would in fact better if we can say it earlier but in a way that would find pleasant in the eyes of others. Isn't it? Always adept ourselves into situation and people, not demanding them to adept to us.

PS: Foot Pain XS

We know ourselves better than Others do, True or False?

There is a saying: When you point a finger at others, three are pointing back at yourself.

It is to say that, when you condemn a person, you are actually condemning yourself more.

This is true. Nobody like being condemned but appreciate being praised for his or her work. It could be true that their work or attitude is not as good as expected, but we should practice the correct approach and timing in dealing with them. Or else, we will be disfavored.

Another affirmative is that, what we say about others is what we should say to ourselves first. How we describe others refers back to us. Hence to know ourselves, understand this =)

There is a part in human nature, which eradicating every negative applications describing self. Thus we often see the mistakes done by others instead of ourselves. For instance: When we claim a person stubborn, we are also a stubborn in certain approach. When we claim a person a fool, we are also a fool in some fields.

So, are we knowing ourselves better than others? Yes, we do if we actually realize it.

-Extra-
Various experiences make a person wise
Constant experience makes a person proud

A wise old man told me: What if I say you are having only one year of experience but you are repeating it for 10 times? Talking about experience? Talk wisdom.

Courage is Joy

As far as I'm concern, depression occurs everywhere no limit to the elite or the common. It was understood that this kind of feeling never go easy on an individual. It serves as a hunter, shooting down all stars of happiness in one's heart. It usually happens when one feels no sense of belonging, or unsatisfied against the treat of opponent. Thus, we murmur and blame.

Indeed, there are things which we are not able to gain control of because they are not belong to us. For instance of a saying, we cannot control those feelings towards us yet our own. Somehow my personal thought is that, we can manipulate our feelings that actually influence others. Besides, what can an emotional self benefits?

It is every time pleasant to see people concerns about us but never we wait for more. A person who is always emotional tend to receive more hidden condemnation although loves are shown in front. For people would care until they could care no longer(Don't know how to change us anymore).

Never claim ourselves giving more than others(Although it is never true for we are human, but an encouragement) but always think that we gave not enough. Never befriend with selfish people because you never know when disappointment will strikes. Loving everyone is kind, loving ourselves is wise. Hence, combination of kind and wise is perfect.

Everyone love happy scenes, thus happy self we give. It is a courage to change ourselves.

-Let the picture speaks the thousand words-

Selling Combs to monks? Impossible!‏

If your company, Comb manufacturers assigned you to sell the comb to the monks in the temples? Can you do it?

What is your answer?

a) No Way , Impossible!
b) Crazy!
c) I will give it a try in order to follow my boss'instruction.
d) Well, I will try.
e) Ya, I think I can sell ??? (5pcs? 10pcs? 50pcs? or more...you name it)

Pick an answer above and read below to find out if you are/you are going to be a successful person or not at all.

The Story: SELLING COMB TO THE MONK

There was one company "manufacturing combs" which intends to expand its business and so the management wanted to employ a new Sales Manager.

The company ADVERTISED the vacancy in the newspaper . They are so many peoples turned up for the interview everyday....accumulated to almost a hundred peoples in just few days.

The Company now having the problem to choose the right candidate for this position . So, The Company interviewer had set A Difficult Task to whom who want to come for final interview.

The Task Is To : Selling Comb To Monks In Temples

Only 3 Applicants willing to stay on for this Final Interview challenge. (Mr A , Mr B , Mr C)

The Chief Interviewer instructed: "Now I want three of you here to sell these wooden combs to the monks in the temples. You only have 10 days to do it and report to me after that."

After 10 days, they reported.

The Chief Interviewer asked Mr A:"How many have you sold?"

Mr A answered:"Only One."

The Chief Interviewer asked: "How did you manage to sell?

Mr A answered: "The monks in the temples scolded me when I show them the comb . But on my way back to downhill I met a young monk who bought it to scratch his head due to dandruff.

The Chief Interviewer then asked Mr B: "How many did you sell?

Mr B replied: "10 pieces. I went to a shrine and noticed many devotees's hair was in bad shape due to strong wind outside the shrine. The monk in there listened to my advice and bought 10 combs for their devotees in showing respect to the Buddha statue."

Then, The Chief Interviewer asked Mr C:"How about you?"

Mr C replied: "1,000 units."

The Chief Interviewer and the other 2 interviews were astounded.

The Chief Interviewer asked: "How you did that?"

Mr C replied: "I went to a famous temple. After observing for few days I discovered that there were many tourists. I then told the Chief Abbot there. "Sifu, those who come here are much devoted. If you could give them a gift, it will be more elating to them. I told him that I have a bulk of combs here and ask him to raft his handwriting on the combs as a present to those visit here. He was very delighted and straight away ordered 1,000 pieces."

MORAL OF THE STORY ;

HARVARD UNIVERSITY had done a research that says :-

1) 85% of success is due to attitude and 15% is capability
2) Attitude is more important than intelligence , specials skills and luck ..

In another word , professional knowledge only constitutes for 15% of success of a person and 85% is due to self-cultivation, public relation and adaptability ability.

Still remember the story of Selling Shoes to African ?

When 2 Salesmen were sent to that continent, one of them reported: Can not do it. No one wears shoes there?

The second salesman said: "It is good to market . A lot of opportunity."

Success and Failure is dependent on how we face problems.

Remember, when the economic is good, there are peoples going bankrupt .

When business is bad , there are many new millionaires produced as well. So , apply now the 85% right working attitude fully.

Something2Share:

I believe this basic principle of 85% right working attitude is also applicable to Plantation Management.

Many problems encountered by planters in their plantations can be overcome for they are not as difficult as "selling comb to monks in temples". Logically it's impossible for no monk will buy a comb because it is used for combing hairs. Monks in temples are simply not your customers!

Now with this story, we learn to "think out of the box" and even with 15% capability, we are confident to solve problems for nothing is impossible as long as we have the RIGHT WORKING ATTITUDE with COMMITMENT full of DISCIPLINE, DEDICATION and DETERMINATION. Every time when we watch MISSION IMPOSSIBLE movie, the ending is always POSSIBLE.

DO NOT FIND EXCUSES NOT TO DO THE POSSIBLE, BUT FIND WAYS AND MEANS TO DO THE POSSIBLE. That's the right working attitude!