Malaysian de Jokes

Joke 1
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper : Eh Ah pek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah pek replied : Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one? =p


Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show off to her.
At there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
'This hor, so fast even the Mata Chia (police car) also cannot catch ah!'
'Har! Really ah!!! Steady leh!' said Ah Lian.
'Somemore hor, this is Auto one, very easy to drive!'
So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!'
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
'Celaka! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng.
'Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, the 'R' stands for racing mah!'


Joke 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, 'You must act like gentlemen.' The british men jumped.
To the Americans he said, 'You can be heroes.' The american men also complied.
To the Germans he said, 'It's the rule.' The german obeyed.
To the Japanese he said,' It's the consensus.' The jap obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until the captain came up with the appeal: 'Free life jackets for those who jumped.' =p hahaha


Story 4
A Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear.
The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen (sergeant) !
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one mah.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! Beberapa underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) Macam mana six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong saje.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Hei Tambi. How many underwears mau lei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why need so many?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.


Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti' (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only hv English songs and told them to re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song 'Unchained Melody' (by the Righteous Brothers.)